Englischen Text: Wie würdet ihr den bewerten?

Hallo ich habe einen essay geschrieben über compulsory first aid courses for fourteen year olds und das ist ein maturabeispiel gewesen und ich wollte fragen, ob jemand das durchlesen könnte und es bewerten könnte, welche note das wäre, vor allem mit den fehlern und so. Ich habe den Text komplett alleine geschrieben und das in 20 Minuten, weil bei der Matura haben wir sehr wenig Zeit für zwei Texte also nur eine Stunde. Ich würde mich echt freuen. :)

Nowadays young people has access to more goods like education. In our modernity, they can extend their knowledge pretty easily as technology, for instance, is spread all over the world and as they can attain school which offers a ton of diverse subjects. However, people still argue that many of these don’t teach valuable lessons about the real life. Instead, young people already want to accomplish experiences that educate them for certain situations, perhaps helping someone out in hazardous situations. In result of these arguably issues, people suggest signing 14-year olds up for compulsory first aid courses.

Compulsory first aid courses can be ideal and influential for young people collecting more real life based experiences. Moreover, they can even give them an insight on how a situation can alter in only one instant and how people can put themselves in danger, precisely fighting against death. Teaching sessions about helping someone, in terms of surviving, can reflect young people’s interests. Some students already complain on having deplorable teaching sessions at school, regardless of their subject area. Maths, science, biology,  physics might enforce their intellectual thoughts but what about focusing on their mind set. Are they even that mentally stable to handle emergency situations? Would they even risk themselves to help someone out after they crashed their car into a tree? Are they even willing to sacrifice themselves and is it even worth?

At this point, students would take school more seriously as compulsory first aid courses influence students mental mind set. In this case, the integration of first aid courses into school is essential for young people. 14 year olds must bear the importance of life teaching sessions. So, the government need to go after their obligations to pay these courses. After all, education should be free and accessible to everyone. School subjects should not only consist of languages or natural sciences, but the government also have to consider the fact that students have to train their cognitive skills as well.

Moreover, the government can also detect people’s reactions would shape in a deferential way if the education system would be more comprehensive and creative. I mean, how can someone not find it intriguing that the education system develops more on its way to be immaculate. It would pique everybody’s curiosity how young people desirably helps out to change the world into a better place. Knowledge has the power for it.

In conclusion, it can be said that if someone comes up with compulsory first aid courses, it should be already associated in the school’s education system. Fourteen year old should be, at this degree, handle emergency situations and activate their human instincts to sacrifice themselves. 

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Ist das ein guter Essay (Englisch)?

Heeeey, ich schriebe morgen ein Englischarbeit und wir sollen dann über einen Film einen Essay schreiben, ich habe heute mal geübt über den Film ,,die Eiskönigin" und och wollte mal nachfragen, ob das so okay ist, also ist das gut so?

(Bitte ignoriert einfach Rechtschreibfehler)

THE FROZEN SUMMER

The Film “Frozen” is an animated Disney Film released in 2013. The story revolves around sisters Elsa and Anna and Elsa was born with magical ice powers. She runs away and Anna wants to find her. The film is a very good film for the whole family because it has a lot of emotions and it wouldn’t be boring.

The Film is about two sisters Anna and Elsa and Elsa was born with magical powers, but she cant control them. So she runs away to the mountains to live alone, because she turns Arendell to an very long winter. Anna go together with Olaf the Snowman, Kristoff and his reindeer Sven to bring back the Summer. Bacause of Elsa Annas hair turns white and Sven brings her back to the castel to Prince Hans, because only true love can save her life. Olaf cames and do a fire, but Anna leave the castel to seek Kristoff. At the same Time Hans wanted to kill Elsa,because he want the castle for himself. But then Anna turns Into Ice and Elsa was very sad, so she hugs her sister Anna and then Anna returns to normal and Elsa can Controll her ice Powers.

My favourite Character is Olaf the Snowman. I like him because he’s a bit funny and he tells jokes at a difficult Situation. And I like him because he’s friendly and ready to help.

My favourite Scene is the Scene with Olaf and Anna next to the Fire. The Scene when Olaf was very happy because he saw Kristoff and Sven coming back to the Castle. I like it, because Olaf try to help Anna and he say she has to stay next to the fire to keep warm. And I like it, because Olaf is very happy when he saw Kristoff and Sven come back to the Castle.

My favourite Quote is ‘‘some People are worth melting for‘‘ from Olaf. I like it, because it‘s from Olaf and it shows that you like someone very much, if you would do this for someone. So it shows that you are ready to do something like that for someone.

The first lesson you can learn from the film is, that you shouldn’t trust anyone you’ve only know for one day, because it can be very dangerouse and you really don’t know the person very well. The second lesson is, you don’t have to give up, when you try something. When you really want to do something, then you dont have to give up very early.

The Film Frozen is a very good disney film for everyonen. It is very adenturous and also a bit sad. The film is definitely a film you should watch.

Könnte ich das in der Englischarbeit ungefähr auch so machen?

Ich hoffe jemand kann mir helfen, danke schonmal

:)

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