Englisch?
Hallo, ich wollte fragen, ob jemand wieder bitte über meinen Text drüber schauen könne. Wäre sehr lieb, danke!
,,I have been living in the US since Monday because I wanted to start a new life. I had really wanted to go to the US before I really arrived here. It‘s very fantastic here and the people are very friendly although I‘ve only been here for one week. When I arrived at the airport in Boston on the first day, I thought that I could never live in such a crowded and large nation. But then I met a woman and she cared for me. She has become my friend. She showed me the airport and different cities. At first, we went to California where I explored different cities, such as Los Angeles and San Francisco. I went to Disneyland there and it was so much fun. I also saw the Golden Gate Bridge with its fantastic view. I even saw real Native Americans on their reservations! They looked very friendly at me but I am also sorry for them that they have to live outside. I am very happy that I‘ve immigrated to the US. After exploring California, I went to New York where I have been living now since Wednesday. It‘s so cool here because when I came to New York, it was already late in the evening and because of the darkness, I went to Times Square since it is known for its bright lights. I went to a restaurant there where I ate the popular pizza slices and they tasted very delicious. After I had eaten, I was exploring Times Square while it was pretty dark and because of the bright lights of the advertisements, it was so gorgeous and I felt like it would be my home town so that I‘ve decided to stay here in New York forever. I live in an apartment in New York with my new friends as long as I don‘t have enough money to buy my own house. I work in the Empire State Building where I work as an official and I really like living here!“
2 Antworten
Hallo,
,,I have been living (Present Perfect Simple reicht.) in the US since Monday because I wanted to start a new life. I had really wanted to go to the US before I really (Wiederholung) arrived here (1). - Der Satz klingt unnatürlich. Es scheint als wolltest du mit aller Macht alle englischen Zeiten, die du gelernt hast, unterbringen.
It‘s very fantastic here (2) and the people are very friendly although I‘ve only (Position) been here (3) for one week. When I arrived at the airport in Boston on the first day, I thought that I could never live in such a crowded and large nation. But then I met a woman and she cared for me. She has become my friend. She showed me the airport and different cities. (---) first, we went to California where I explored different cities, such as Los Angeles and San Francisco. I went to Disneyland there and it was so much fun. I also saw the Golden Gate Bridge with its fantastic view (= Ausblick, aber nicht Anblick/Aussehen). I even saw real Native Americans on their reservations! They looked very friendly at me (Satzstellung) but I am also sorry for them that (Wort) they have to live outside. I am very happy that I‘ve immigrated to the US.
After exploring California, I went to New York where I have been living (Present Perfect Simple reicht.) now since Wednesday. It‘s so cool here (4) because when I came to New York, it was already late in the evening (seltsame Begründung) and because of the darkness, I went to Times Square since it is known for its bright lights.
I went to a restaurant there where (Formulierung) I ate the popular pizza slices and they tasted very delicious.
After I had eaten, I was exploring (Grammatik) Times Square while it was pretty dark and because of the bright lights (Wiederholung; dass es dunkel ist und am Time Square viel Licht ist, hast du schon erwähnt.) of the advertisements, it was so gorgeous and I felt like it (NY) would be my home town so that I‘ve decided (Grammatik) to stay here (5) in New York forever. - Das ist zu viel Information für einen Satz. Forme mehrere Sätze daraus.
I live (Grammatik) in an apartment in New York with my new friends as long as I don‘t have enough money to buy my own house.
I work in the Empire State Building where I work as an official and I really like living here (6) !“ - zu umständlich; mein Vorschlag: I work as an official (Was ist das?) in the Empire State Building (and I really like living in NY). Im Empire State Building arbeiten und in NY zu leben sind zwei "Gedanken", die du nicht in einen Satz packen solltest; schon gar nicht, wenn du nur das Pronomen "it" verwendest.
- NY wird auch Big Apple genannt. Das wäre eine willkommene Abwechslung für NY und it.
- Die Zeit (Montag, Mittwoch, am ersten Tag, ...) sind nicht wirklich stimmig.
Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert, das Kursivgedruckte überdacht werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.
:-) AstridDerPu
Da ist keine Gleichzeitigkeit und die Entscheidung wurde getroffen.
Hat das mit dem Present Perfect aber nicht auch Bezug zur Gegenwart, da diese Entscheidung ja dafür verantwortlich ist, dass ich in New York bleibe? Tut mir leid wegen der vielen Fragen
Gibs einfach mal bei Grammarly oder sonstigen ein, das zeigt dir dann sehr viele Fehler.
Du hast ganz oft wörter eingebaut, die einfach nicht nötig sind, weil sie davor schon geschrieben wurden oder einfach keinen Platz im Satz haben.
Dazu hast du es halt einfach runtergeschrieben, also liest es sich nur echt unangenehm.
Über die Sachen, die du geschrieben hast, kann man ohne Probleme auch das 5 Fache schreiben und es angenehmer für den Leser machen.
Was ist denn daran unangenehm bzw. wie könnte ich es besser machen?
"I went to New York where I have been living now since Wednesday. It‘s so cool here because when I came to New York, it was already late in the evening and because of the darkness, I went to Times Square since it is known for its bright lights. I went to a restaurant"
I went, I came, I went, I went
Könntest es so schreiben,
Since Wednesday, I have been living in New York. When I first arrived, it was already late at night, which meant that it was dark outside. So, I decided to go to Times Square because it's known for its bright lights.
After that I went to a Restaurant...
Dankeschön!! :) Warum ist es bei ,,was exploring“ und ,,have decided“ falsch, weil ich dachte, dass es sich beim Past Progressive um Gleichzeitigkeit handeln würde und das Present Perfect eine Auswirkung auf die Gegenwart haben würde