Wie findet ihr diesen englischen Aufsatz?
Hallo Community! Mich würde interessieren, was ihr vom folgenden englischen Aufsatz haltet. Bitte sagt eure ehrliche Meinung und es wäre auch nett, wenn ihr meine Fehler verbessern könntet:
Essay: The best holiday
Last year my whole family went to Turkey. First it was a little bit stressful because we had to pack our bags and everyone forgot something. A few minutes before we went to airport, our car hadn’t work. So all were very angry. My mum asked in a sad way: „What should we do now? I want to go to holiday! I don’t believe that. Every time when we want to go abroad, there are always some problems!“ Of course we repaired the car fast and my mum felt relieved. We were late because of the problem with the car, so we were in a hurry. Finally we sat in the plane and were very happy. „Now we are flying to Turkey and in a few hours we will lie at the beach! I’m so glad!“ I proclaimed. Ten hours later we arrived at the hotel area. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was so beautiful. The sun shone hot and everywhere I could see palms. And I was able to hear the sound of the sea. My whole family smiled and was happy. „It’s so nice here, I don’t want to go back home!“ continued my father. First we considered our hotel and after we had unpacked our bags in our hotel room, we all enjoyed a nice cocktail. Of course we also went to the beach to go swimming in the waves of the sea. Every day we lied outside in the sun and relaxed. The holiday went on very fast, so on the last day of our trip to Turkey, we were very disappointed because we had to leave this nice place again. „I want to stay here. It was a wonderful idea to go to Turkey!“ my sister claimed. After the last day of our trip, we agreed that this was the best holiday we ever had, although there was a little problem at the beginning of our holidays. My whole family enjoyed themselves at the seaside and I’m sure we will spend our holiday here in Turkey again!
PS: Ich gehe in die 7. Klasse (falls es jemanden interessiert)
7 Antworten
Hallo,
also, zu allererst einmal auch ein Lob von mir. Dein Aufsatz klingt gut und lebendig. Ein paar Fehlerchen haben sich zwar eingeschlichen, aber das ist nicht so schlimm. Ich werde mal sehen, was ich dagegen tun kann. Alles, was nicht total falsch und schief klingt, lasse ich. Schließlich soll es ja noch dein Aufsatz bleiben.
Essay: The best holiday
Last year, my family and I went to Turkey. The beginning of our trip was a little stressful because we had to pack our bags and everyone seemed to have forgotten something. A few minutes before we left for the airport, we realized that our car didn't start. So we were all very worried. My Mum asked sadly „What shall we do now? I want to go on holiday! I can't believe that! Every time we want to go abroad, there are always problems!“ Luckily, we were able to repair the car in no time and my Mum felt relieved. We were late because of the problem with the car, so we were in a hurry. Finally, we were sitting in the plane and were really happy. „Now we are flying to Turkey and in a few hours we will be lying on the beach. I’m so glad!“ I said. Ten hours later, we arrived at the hotel complex. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was so beautiful. The sun was shining, it was very hot, I could see palm trees anywhere and I could hear the sound of the waves. All of us were smiling and we were happy. „It’s so nice here. I want to stay here forever!“ remarked my father. At first, we had a closer look at our hotel and after we had unpacked our bags in our hotel room, we all enjoyed a nice cocktail - a non-alcoholic one in my case. Of course, we also went to the beach to go swimming in the sea. Every day, we were lying outside in the sun, relaxing. The holiday went by much too quickly. So, on the last day of our trip to Turkey, we were very disappointed because we had to leave this nice place again. „I want to stay here. It was a wonderful idea to go to Turkey!“ my sister exclaimed. Back home again, we agreed that this was the best holiday we had ever had, although there had been a little problem at the beginning. Everyone of us had such a nice time at the seaside and I’m sure we will spend our next holiday in Turkey again.
Ein paar kleine Bemerkungen:
to proclaim something = etwas verkünden (z.B. ein Gesetz), passt also hier nicht
to consider something = etwas in Betracht/in Erwägung ziehen (heißt also nicht 'betrachten' im Sinne von 'anschauen')
We lied outside in the sun. = Wir haben draußen unter der Sonne gelogen. :-)) (Simple Past von 'lie (= liegen) ist 'lay'. du brauchst hier aber sowieso das Simple Past Progressive > We were lying in the sun.)
My sister claimed ... = Meine Schwester behauptete ....
So, das war's. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen. Außerdem gibt es sicher noch den einen oder anderen Englisch-Experten, der auch noch drüberschaut.
Ich habe das Gefühl, dass ich seit ein paar Tagen die Aufsatz- und Briefschreiberin der Nation bin. Vielleicht sollte ich einen Beruf draus machen. (Not very well paid, I dare say.) Gruß, adabei
At first, it was a little bit ... before we went to the airport, the car wouldn't start So all were very angry - korrekt, aber,'we were all angry' lautet besser. Mum ('my' ist nicht noetig),asked sadly, 'What will we do now? I don't believe it Every time (kein 'when') ... there are ('always' nicht noetig, Du hast schon 'every time' gesagt) ... we repaired the car quickly 'Finally, we sat in the plane' - korrekt, aber, 'Finally, we were seated on the plane' lautet besser. Lie on the beach. I exclaimed ... arrived at the hotel - kein 'area' ... 'The sun shone hot - grammatischer Fehler, soll 'hotly sein, aber 'The sun was hot', 'a hot sun shone' sind besser. Du sollst nicht 'continued my father' sagen, er hat shon nichts gesagt, also kann er nichts weiteres. Nur 'said my father/ my father said. 'Considered' ist auch nicht richtig; examined, explored, viewed, vielleicht. 'In our hotel room' ist nicht noetig, man versteht, Ihr habt es nicht im Speisesaal getan! 'Of the sea' -auch nicht noetig! Wir wissen, dass das Hotel in der Naehe vom Meer ist, daher sind die Wellen natuerlich Meereswellen. 'We lied' = 'Wir luegen' - soll 'we lay' sein! 'The holiday went (kein on) very quickly -oder Du kannst vielleicht 'flew past' sagen. We had to leave this *nice * - kein Fehler, aber Du sollst ein besseres Wort finden - beautiful/friendly/charming -etwas das den Ort besser beschreibt - again ist es das erste besuch? Also kannst Du es nicht wieder lassen. Claimed: claim = behaupten, beanspruchen. Vielleicht wieder 'exclaimed' hier. ... the best holiday we had ever had
Da Du nur in der 7.Klasse bist, erstaune ich, dass Du so gut Englisch kannst. Prima! Ich hoffe, dass ich Dir geholfen habe
Hallo! Müsste es nicht heißen „The best holidays we have ever had“? Wenn man die indirekte Rede nicht verwendet würde das present perfect doch viel mehr Sinn ergeben - oder nicht?
Gut gemacht!
Ein paar kleinere Fehler sind drin, aber die stören kaum. Nur 2x stört eine falsche Zeit.
In Zeile 3 solltest Du lieber schreiben: ."... our car broke down."
Und im letzten Drittel muß es heißen: "Every day we lay in the sun."
Wenn ich in Klasse 7 schon so gut Englisch gekonnt hätte ...
Gruß, earnest
,
Ist ein schöner Aufsatz ;)) Für die 7. Klasse echt gut. Nur am Anfang wo du schreibst "So all were angry." würde man glaube ich eher 'everybody' und nicht 'all' verwenden.
Trotzdem guuuuuuuut :)
Ich finde ihn gut. Ich hätte es auch nicht besser machen können und ich bin in der neunten. Ich finde ihn voll gut.
Ich hab' so lange an meiner Antwort rumgebastelt, dass mich inzwischen alle überholt haben. :-))
Eine Aussage nehme ich zurück. Es muss natürlich doch heißen: Every day, we lay on beach .... (Ich war irgendwie immer noch beim Ankunftstag und hab' das "every day" überlesen.)