könnte mir bitte jemand folgenden text korrigieren und feedback geben?
Dear Sir/Madam!
I am writing with regard to an article that appeared in an online magazine yesterday. This article deal with the topic how social media influence the behaviour of teenagers.
I agree with you that to many young people spend their time on social media without knowing how long they are online. I think you have also summed it up well that social media creates pressure on young people to have a perfect life. For example there are so many influencers on the net which looks perfect but probably they are imperfect. They might be have two faces one online and one offline. So many young people think they have to change their life and live like these influencers.
My experience with social media started 6 years ago when I got my first mobile phone for Christmas. The first thing I did was downloading social media platforms like instagram or snapchat because everyone of my friends had it before and I would also be one of these cool kids.
The network is not that like many people think about it. I think it is a really danger. The internet can make addicted. So I think a possible solution of media addiction are like you write about it “screen times”. I think it is not a bad thing that people have just a short time for social media. This allows them to focus better on life.
Yours faithfully,
1 Antwort
Dear Sir/Madam!
I am writing with regard to an article that appeared in an online magazine yesterday. This article deals with the topic of how social media influence the behaviour of teenagers.
I agree with you that too many young people spend their time on social media without knowing how long they are online. I think you have also summed (it) up well that social media creates pressure on young people to have a perfect life. For example there are so many influencers on the net which looks perfect but probably they are imperfect. They might (be) have two faces one online and one offline. So many young people think they have to change their life and live like these influencers.
My experience with social media started 6 years ago when I got my first mobile phone for Christmas. The first thing I did was downloading social media platforms like instagram or snapchat because everyone of my friends had it before and I wanted to be one of these cool kids too.
The network is not how many people imagine it. I think it is a real(ly) danger. The internet can make addicted. So I think a possible solution of media addiction is to write about screen times like you did. I think it is not a bad thing that people are just for a short time on social media. This allows them to focus better on life.
Yours faithfully,
Ich habe ein paar einfache Fehler korrigiert und ein paar Sachen umformuliert, weil ich finde, dass sie so besser klingen.
Hoffe, ich konnte dir helfen :)
Ehrlich gesagt kann ich das schlecht einschätzen 😅
Ich bin gar kein Englisch Profi, schaue nur hin und wieder Filme auf Englisch und lerne es halt in der Schule. Das was ich oben geändert habe, war einfach das, was mir aufgefallen ist. Der Text kommt mir gut vor, habe aber keine Ahnung, wie das ein Englischlehrer oder Muttersprachler sehen würde
Vielen Dank! Ist der Text gut?