Könnt ihr meinen Song etwas überarbeiten und vielleicht Tipps geben wie ich weiterschreiben soll?

Some people think I'm crazy but let me explain, Life has ups and downs and they can drive you insane. But listen to me now, there's something I must say, Choose positivity, it'll brighten up your day.

Soo...

Just be positive, don't be negative , there's always something to cheer about.

Don't why people cry, so please just be nice. You know that you don't live twice.

Imagine, there were no happy people,

If having fun would be illegal,

The world would be gray and everybody equal.

So just stand up and sing this jingle!

Just be positive, don't be negative , there's always something to cheer about.

I Don't why people cry, so please just be nice. You know that you don't live twice.

Sometimes I think that I'm not good enough. But then I remember what it's all about. It's positivity and in that I have no doubt. My Happiness, it's never ever burning out.

So sing with me joyful catchline loud!

Just be positive, don't be negative , there's always something to cheer about.

I Don't why people cry, so please just be nice. You know that you don't live twice.

I know life can get you down sometimes but you gotta continue living.

If someone isn't nice to you, you need to be forgiving. So if you think it is all over, just sing this funny song but don't forget to think, that life isn't that long

Soooo...

Just be positive, don't be negative , there's always something to cheer about.

I don't why people cry, so please just be nice. You know that you don't live twice.

1 Antwort

stonedog

06.03.2024, 20:55

Grundsätzlich ein guter Text. Ein paar Fehler sind aber drin:

"cheer about" klingt seltsam, vielleicht besser "celebrate"

"Don't why people cry"?? Da fehlt ein ein "don't know why people..."

"If having fun would be" > "If having fun was/were"

"equal" passt nicht, eher "the same" (aber das reimt sich dann nicht..)

"It's never ever burning out" > it'll never ever burn out

catchline > hookline

Du hast schon drei Strophen, warum noch mehr? Aber vielleicht so:

If everybody acted like they really love their neighbor / each one of us could be another person's savior / if we all let that happiness inside our hearts and soul / we'd make the world a better place, let's work towards that goal

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Ich habe Englisch Aufgabe bekommen und sollte darauf meine Meinung schreiben,

Und zwar das der Text

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https://youtu.be/jQl4KaRtef8

(Ein Kommentar-Ausschnitt):

Just found your site!? Subbed immediately...I'm sure you know this but those Sulphur balls have been taken to 2 different companies by 2 different people to be broken down completely to figure out exactly what they're made of. Both times the answers came back that they're the most perfect forms of Sulphur ever and CAN'T be made chemically...Also, both times the reports came back that 7% of these Sulphur balls can't be explained what that specific compound is...Now THAT is telling...

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