Kann jemand über meinen Englischtext einmal rüberschauen?

Kann mal jemand über diesen En glischtext drübergucken und ein paar verbesserungsvorschläge dazuschreiben? Wäre echt nett! Achtung: Es ist eine Zusammenfassung!

Wo ich mir besonders unsicher bin - ist fett!

Text:

First of all the text presents a few facts about an average Briton. Among other things Tim Wardle occupy himself with the question, if Mr. or Mrs. Average exists in real world. And, if they exist, the author would like to know everything about him and his social environment(soziales umfeld).

First Mr. Wardle collects statistics to find out what is average and what is unaverage. A really important fact which he finds out while his data-recall facility is that the average person hast two children (statistical data: 1.8). He starts to search but for the present he does not find anyone who matches the criteria. But then Tim Wardle finds Army wife. He thinks that she is Mrs. Average but later he finds out that there are things she does which are hardly average. So the author visited the company CACI, because this company knows where which people live and if you give any information they will be able to tell you where the searched people live. Mr. Wardle gives information about an average person and so the company tells him where the average persons live - scilicet in Essex.

For this reason he drives to Essex and continue his quest right there, but again he does not find the Mr. or Mrs. Average. He now is about to give up. But suddenly there is a gleam of hope: National newspapers print Wardles(oder: Wardle´s) questions and in the following days many people contact the author and assure him that they are the average Briton. One of these is Peter Williamson who lives in the outskirts of Swindon where Tim Wardle drove(wohin T.W. (nun) fährt). When he arrives he tried to explain his aim. The married office worker and father of two children is exactly what the author had been looking for all the time.

In the end of the article he recognizes that being average is not bad and boring but a recipe for contentment.

Answer 1

[Kathy34]

First of all, the text exposes a few facts about an average Briton. Among other things, Tim Wardle is occupied with the question whether Mr or Mrs Average does or does not exist in real world. And assuming that they do exist the author would like to know everything about them and their social environment.

First, Mr Wardle collects statistics to find out what is average and what is not. A really important fact which he finds out when doing his data-recall facility is that the average person has two children (statistical data: 1.8). He starts to search, but regarding the present he does not find anyone who matches the criteria. But then Tim Wardle runs into Army Wife. He thinks that she is Mrs Average, but later he notices that there are things she does which hardly cannot be considered as average. So the author visits the company CACI because it knows where any kind of people live and if you give some information they will be able to tell you where the respective people live. Mr Wardle gives information about an average person, and so the company reveals to him where the average people live, meaning in Essex.

For this reason, he goes to Essex and continues his quest right there, but he does not find the Mr or Mrs Average for another time. He is now about to give up. But suddenly, a gleam of hope arises, since the national newspaper prints Wardle’s questions and the following days many people contact the author to assure him that they allegedly are the average Britons. One of them is Peter Williamson who lives in the outskirts of Swindon where Tim Wardle is going to right now. When he arrives he tries to explain his project to them. The married office worker and father of two children is exactly the one and only person the author has been looking for all the time.

In the end of the article, he realizes that being average is not that bad and boring he thought it would be but a recipe for contentment.

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Anm.: Nicht alles von mir Fettformatierte sind Fehler, sondern auch jene Wörter bzw. Wortwahl, die ich tätigen würde. Ich hoffe, ich konnte dir weiterhelfen.

Answer 2

[adabei]

Der Text ist insgesamt nicht schlecht geschrieben. Ich würde allerdings nicht so oft die Zeiten wechseln. Das macht man bei einer deutschen Zusammenfassung auch nicht. Man bleibt eher beim Präsens.

First of all the text presents a few facts about an average Briton. Among other things Tim Wardle asks himself the question if Mr or Mrs Average exist in the real world. And, if they exist, the author would like to know everything about them and their social environment.

First Mr Wardle collects statistic data to find out what is average and what is "unaverage". A really important fact which he finds out is that the average person has two children (statistical data: 1.8). He starts his search but for the present he does not find anyone who matches the criteria but then Tim Wardle finds Army wife. [??? Heißt die Frau wirklich "Army wife"? Ich denke, etwas kann hier nicht ganz stimmen.] He thinks that she is Mrs Average but later he finds out that there are things she does which are hardly average. So the author visits the company CACI because this company knows where people live and if you give them relevant information they will be able to tell you where the people you are looking for live. Mr Wardle gives information about an average person and so the company tells him where these average persons live - Scilicet in Essex.

For this reason he goes to Essex and continues his quest right there, but again he does not find (the) Mr or Mrs Average. He now is about to give up but all of a sudden there is a gleam of hope: National newspapers print Wardle's questions and during the days to follow many people contact the author and assure him that they are the average Briton. One of these is Peter Williamson who lives in the outskirts of Swindon which consequently is Tim Wardle's next destination. When he arrives he tries to explain his aim. The married office worker and father of two children is exactly what the author had been looking for all the time.

In the end of the article he recognizes that being average is not bad and boring but a recipe for contentment.

Anmerkungen:

• sich "geistig" mit etwas beschäftigen ist nicht "to occupy oneself with something"

• Für "fahren" ist in den meisten Fällen die neutralere Übersetzung "to go" angebracht. "to drive" wird wirklich nur verwendet, wenn man betonen will, dass jemand selbst am Steuer eines Fahrzeugs saß.

• an ein paar wenigen Stellen hast du mit dem "s" der dritten Person nicht aufgepasst.

Alles in allem klingt dein Text aber recht flüssig und verständlich. (Im übrigen habe ich versucht, deinen Text so wenig wie möglich abzuändern.)

Gruß, adabei