Kann mir jmd. bitte diesen englischen Text korrigieren?
Hallo , :)
Ich schreibe in weniger als einen Monat meine Klausur in Englisch Lk (Abi). Da gehen im ersten Prüfungsteil tatsächlich nur 42 P. auf den Inhalt und 63 P. alleine auf die Sprache. Kann mir bitte jmd. daher diesen Text korrigieren. Ich wäre euch sehr dankbar. <3
1.) Describe Job´s living conditions in London/England
The text excerpt ,,Hearts and Minds“ by Amanda Craig gives us a glimpse of Jobs life and feelings as an illegal immigrant from Zimbabwe in London. In it Job leads a small talk with Polly Noble, a human rights lawyer who helps illegal immigrants to try to get a residence permit, and the mother of Robbie, whom Job drives to and from school to earn some extra money next to working as a mini-cab driver in London . But more so the excerpt describes Jobs living conditions, which I will describe in the following.
The excerpt starts off by telling us that Job is in a better financial situation as before, since he has been driving Robbie to school and picking him up later on. Job lives without his wife, who is left in Zimbabwe and whom he misses. Job lives in better materialistic condition then he did in Zimbabwe. So we can derive from the excerpt as he is surprised to see how much people in Britain own in a materialistic sense as he sees them throwing out a TV just because it is not new enough. This is how he got to own his TV anyway. Job is also surprised when he comes across free things like museums or the ability to access books for very cheap through charity shops or second hand books. In the last quarter of the excerpt we get to know of Jobs disappointment as his image of London was different then what he saw upon actually living there. He imagined London to be full of kindness and courage like he had thought it to be through Charles Dickens narrations. Unfortunately the violence he read about was something that he did come across in the area he lives in. The last two sentences start off by describing what home now means to Job. A small room with only a sink to drink and even wash from. Hearing Police sirens and traffic noise. As well as humidity in the place that reeks of urine, beer, sour milk and cinders. The excerpt finishes off by saying that immigrants don´t need a reminder of what they have lost.
Liebe Grüße <3
2 Antworten
Hi, ich finde der 2. Satz ist zu lang und schwer zu verstehen, sollte man zwei draus machen. Statt ,,next to" lieber ,,besides", next to steht ja für Dinge.
Sonst hab ich nichts gefunden, ich hoffe ich konnte helfen.
Korrigiert: The text excerpt "Hearts and Minds" by Amanda Craig gives us a glimpse of Jobs life and feelings as an undocumented migrant from Zimbabwe in London. In it, Job leads a small talk with Polly Noble, a human rights lawyer who helps undocumented migrants to try to get a residence permit, and the mother of Robbie, whom Job drives to and from school to earn some extra money next to working as a mini-cab driver in London. But more so, the excerpt describes Jobs living conditions, which I will describe in the following.
The excerpt starts off by telling us that Job is in a better financial situation as before, since he has been driving Robbie to school and picking him up later on. Job lives without his wife, who is left in Zimbabwe and whom he misses. Job lives in better materialistic condition than he did in Zimbabwe. So we can derive from the excerpt as he is surprised to see how much people in Britain own in a materialistic sense as he sees them throwing out a TV just because it is not new enough. This is how he got to own his TV anyway. Job is also surprised when he comes across free things like museums or the ability to access books for very cheap through charity shops or second hand books. In the last quarter of the excerpt, we get to know of Job's disappointment as his image of London was different from what he saw upon actually living there. He imagined London to be full of kindness and courage, like he had thought it to be through Charles Dickens narrations. Unfortunately the violence he read about was something that he did come across in the area he lives in. The last two sentences start off by describing what home now means to Job. A small room with only a sink to drink and even wash from. Hearing Police sirens and traffic noise. As well as humidity in the place that reeks of urine, beer, sour milk and cinders. The excerpt finishes off by saying that immigrants don't need a reminder of what they have lost.