Ist diese Englisch Argumentation gut?
Hallo,
ich schreibe bald eine Englisch Klausur, in der wir eine Argumentation schreiben sollen. Deshalb würde ich gerne Tipps hören, wie ich meine Argumentation verbessern könnte. Die Argumentation geht über das Them Hobbys und darüber, ob man welche haben sollte oder nicht.
There are so many Activities you can do in your spare time like football, Volleyball or chess. That is one of the reasons why many students ask themselves wether or not they should get a hobby. Is it really worth it? That’s what today’s argumentation is about. I would first like to look at the reasons why a Hobby is not a good idea.
Firstly one might take the Hobby too serious and stress themselves too much because for example they want to be the best in their team. Secondly a Hobby is really expensive, you have to pay money if you want to be in an official Team and the clothes and equipment are expensive too. If it’s a competitive sport you would also spend a lot on gas when driving to different plays all over the state/maybe even country. And finally, a hobby takes a lot of time. Every hobby takes effort and time so if one is already stressing a lot in school, a hobby might not be the best decision.
But there’s also another way of looking at it. Hobbies help you meet new people and make new friends, mostly in your team. Since a lot of sports are played in a team, a hobby would also strengthen your teamwork and the skill to work with new people. Furthermore if you have a hobby you enjoy, it is also a great way to escape the everyday life and have fun. For example after a hard school day and a lot of homework your hobby could make you relax and make you forget about all the stress you’ve had, it would also give your body diversity of sitting the whole day and straining your brain with school.
After hearing both sides of wether or not you should have hobbies I’ve come to the decision that a hobby is really something that could help you a lot, especially when you’re trying to get out of your everyday life and want to calm yourself down while having a lot of fun.
2 Antworten
Hallo,
ein guter Essay bzw. eine gute Schreibarbeit legst du hin, wenn du erstmal grundsätzlich einen Wechsel zwischen grammatikalisch einfachen Konstruktionen (She likes me - Mr. Peter thinks my dog is big -...) und schwierigen grammatikalischen Konstruktionen (Looking at the excerpt at hand - Mr Peter thinking my dog is big doesn‘t like me at all -...) hinlegst.
Zu deinem Text an sich:
- Einleitung: Mit deinem ersten Satz wirfst du den Leser direkt ins Geschehen, was in der Regel nicht dein Ziel sein soll. Mach am besten ein general (allgemeines) Statement zu dem Thema, so dass der Leser einen besseren Übergang in deinen Text hat, z.B. Throughout time mankind/people have always had various possibilities in order to do the things they really like and enjoy. Some people choose to play football others, however, rather play basketball or badminton. As different from one another as all of these interests are, is it a rather good or bad thing to have certain hobbies? - mit einer Frage abzuschließen ist bei Argumentationen eigentlich meist eine win-win Situation!
- Verabschiede dich für eine gute Argumentation aus diesem zunehmenden „It‘s not good because“ oder wie du hier sagst „.. stress themselves too much because they..“ - das Wort „because“ geht den meisten Lehrern in soweit gegen den Strich, dass es halt zeigt, dass sprachlich noch keine Flexibilität da ist. Benutze zum Beispiel since; due to the fact that; as they; because of the fact that.. Durch gute sprachliche Variation erkennt der Lehrer, dass du Ahnung hast.
- Differenziere bei deiner Argumentation, denn du schreibst und pauschalisierst damit: „A hobby is really expensive“ - damit sagst du, dass jedes Hobby automatisch eine teure Angelegenheit ist, was faktisch nicht stimmt. Schreibe doch lieber: Depending on what hobby one has such things as equipment or payments in order to pay for that hobby might be extremely expensive. Damit schränkst du direkt ein und sagst: „Abhängig davon welchen Sport man macht...“ - deine Argumentation wirkt auf den Lehrer schlüssiger und durchdachter.
Hoffentlich kannst du damit was anfangen (:
Hallo,
There are so many Activities (RS) you can do in your spare time like (besser: playing) football, Volleyball or chess. That is one of the reasons why many students ask themselves wether (RS) or not they should get a hobby. Is it really worth it? That’s what today’s argumentation is about. I would first like to look at the reasons why a Hobby (RS) is not a good idea.
Firstly (Komma) one might take the Hobby (RS) too serious and stress themselves (Wort) too much because (Komma) for example (Komma) they (Wort) want to be the best in their (Wort) team. Secondly (Komma) a Hobby (RS) is really expensive, you have to pay money if you want to be in an official Team (RS) and the clothes and equipment are expensive too. If it’s a competitive sport (Komma) you would also spend a lot on gas (= AE; BE = petrol) when driving to different plays (RS) all over the state/ (Im Fließtext meiden.) maybe even country (Bundesland und Staat?). And finally, a hobby takes a lot of time. Every hobby takes effort and time (Komma) so if one is already stressing (Wort) a lot in school, a hobby might not be the best decision.
But there’s (*1) also another way of looking at it. Hobbies help you meet new people and make new friends, mostly in your team. Since a lot of sports (Sport – AE oder BE? Oder Sportarten?) are played in a team (Ich bevorzuge hier den Plural – in teams), a hobby would also strengthen your teamwork and the skill to work with new people. Furthermore (Komma) if you have a hobby you enjoy, it is also a great way to escape (---) everyday life and have fun. For example (Komma) after a hard school day and a lot of homework (Komma) your hobby could make you relax and make you forget about all the stress you’ve had (neuer Satz) it would also give your body diversity (Wort) of sitting the whole day (Ich bevorzuge: all day) and straining your brain with school.
After hearing both sides of wether (RS) or not you should have hobbies (Komma) I’ve come to the decision that a hobby is really something that could help you a lot, especially when you’re trying to get out of your everyday life and want to calm (---) down while having a lot of fun.
*1 Kurzformen wie there’s, I’ve, you’re, etc. sollten in der Schriftsprache (zumindest in formellen Schreiben) gemieden werden.
Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.
Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,
für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!
:-) AstridDerPu
PS: Ich gebe zu bedenken, dass ein Hobby nicht unbedingt und immer teuer sein muss.