Hat jemand Zeit(Englisch analyse)?
Also bevor ich jetzt mega die Kritik bekomme es ist meine erste analyse auf englisch und kenne den aufbau nicht so gut also tut mir leid wenn es sehr katastrophal ist .
In the text below the authors line of arguments will be analyzed. The author provides pros and cons of social media use for teenagers by giving detailed examples. He does not share his opinion.
The author divides the text in four parts. The first part has two paragraphs which the author writes that in year 2012 many teenagers favourite communication was the normal face to face conversation . But after six years a lot of teens lose the ability to make one. The author took quotations from experts to prove his fact (lI.7-8).In the second part of the text consists two paragraphs which have only pro arguments like the use of social media lets a lot of teens feel more popular ,confident and lese lonely and depressed (II.16-19). Moreover he supports his argument and examples with an quotation from a expert namens „Vicky Rideout“ in the line 9. The third part has only negative points and two paragraphs which is about young people who struggle to can not take their phone down it can be bad for their relationships. For example they get frustrated with their friend for being on their smartphones when they spend time together (ll.13f). Another disadvantage is that they all spend to much time on it (I.15). The final part has only one paragraph which is an advice for the teens. They have to use this social media sites in an „mindful way[...]“ (l.30). Moreover the advice is a quotation from „Vicky Rideout“ too.
3 Antworten
"He does not share his opinion. " - Der Satz wirkt zusammenhangslos.
"The first part has two paragraphs IN which the .."
" But after six years" 6 Jahre nach was? 2012? Dann schreibe 6 years later
consist ohne S
less, nicht lese
"The third part has only negative points and two paragraphs" mache hier klar, dass der Teil aus zwei Abschnitten BESTEHT, sonst macht der Satz keinen Sinn
"all spend toO much time"
"use those social media sites.."
" in a mindful way"
Moreover the advice is a quotation from „Vicky Rideout“ too. --> nehme hier although anstatt moreover
Du könntest manchmal die Zitate erwähnen oder wörtliche Rede einbauen, anstatt nur die Zeilen zu nennen.
into four parts
in which
In (weg) the second part of the text consists of two
confident and less lonely
mehr zeit hab ich leider nicht, hab nicht alles gelesen
In the text below (Komma) the authors (Grammatik) line of arguments will be analyzed. The author provides pros and cons of social media use for teenagers by giving detailed examples. He does not share his opinion. (Er teilt seine Meinung nicht???)
The author divides the text in (besser: into) four parts. The first part has two paragraphs (Hier fehlt etwas.) which the author writes that in (---) 2012 (Komma) many teenagers (Grammatik) favourite (Hier fehlt etwas.) communication was the normal face-to-face conversation . But after six years (nicht nach 6 Jahren, sondern 6 Jahre später) (Komma) a lot of teens lose the ability to make one. The author took quotations from experts to prove his fact (lI.7-8).
(---) The second part of the text consists (Hier fehlt eine Präposition.) two paragraphs which have only pro arguments like the use of social media lets a lot of teens feel more popular, confident and lese (RS) lonely and depressed (II.16-19). (Wenigstens 2 Sätze formulieren. Außderdem weiter ausführen.)
Moreover (Komma) he (wer?) supports his argument (Grammatik; Plural) and examples with an (RS) quotation from (Präposition) a (RS) expert namens (= deutsch) „Vicky Rideout“ in (---) line 9. The third part has only negative points and two paragraphs which is (Grammatik) about young people who struggle to can not (RS, Grammatik) take their phone (Grammatik, Plural) down (Neuer Satz, so ergibt das keinen Sinn.) it can be bad for their relationships.
For example (Komma) they get frustrated with their friend (Grammatik, Plural) for being on their smartphones when they spend time together (ll.13f). Another disadvantage is that they all spend to (RS, Grammatik) much time on it (wer oder was?) (I.15). The final part has only one paragraph which is an advice (Grammatik) for the teens. They have to use this (Grammatik) social media sites in an (RS) „mindful way[...]“ (l.30). Moreover (Komma) the advice is a quotation from (Präposition) „Vicky Rideout“ too.
Formuliere kürzere Sätze, denn Bandwurmsätze werden oft unverständlich. Auch stimmen dann häufig die Bezüge nicht mehr. Weniger ist manchmal mehr.
Du solltest bei den Formulierungen und Satzanfängen (Moreover, Moreover, Moreover, ...) abwechseln. - The first part has, the paragraphs have, the final part has
Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.
Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,
für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!
:-) AstridDerPu