England austausch Bewerbung gut so?

Hello! My name is *** and I am thirteen years old. Together with my parents and my two years older brother, I live in a house with a big garden. We have got one little dog called ***. My hometown is ***. In my free time I often play football. Meeting friends like *** *** and surfing in the internet are also one of my favorite leisure activities. My favorite subjects are all languages. I am not so happy with subjects concerning to numbers like Maths and Physics. My family and my friends say about me that I am reliable, polite and I have a good behavior. Although I have travelled through many countries, I have never been in England before. For me the exchange would not only mean having fun but the possibility to make acquaintance with a new country and interesting people. I I would be very glad to take part at the exchange with ***(my school)

6 Antworten

Vom Beitragsersteller als hilfreich ausgezeichnet

derdorfbengel

08.12.2011, 23:26

ich hab mal den Text des göttlichen Salbeis genommen und nochmal mit Vorschlägen überarbeitet. Für Hervorhebungen bin ich aber zu faul (tja):

Hello! My name is Thenamelesshero and I am thirteen years old. I live in a house with a big garden in the countryside town of Somewherenearnowhere together with my parents and my brother of 15 years of age.

We have got a little dog called Themonstrousdog. In my spare time I use to play football or hangig off with friends. Surfing the internet is another one of my favorite leisure activities.

My favorite subjects in school are the languages.

I am not so happy with subjects concerning my marks in Maths and Physics. [was wolltest Du mit diesem Satz eigentlich sagen?]

My family and my friends use to say that I was reliable, polite and knowing good manners. Although I have travelled through many countries, I have never been to England before.

To me the exchange would not only mean having fun but be a unique chance to got acquainted to a new country and exciting people. I I would be very glad to take part in the exchange with Theschooloftheasses.

derdorfbengel

23.12.2011, 15:58

Oh danke. Kaum mit gerechnet.

Ich sehe gerade aber sogar einen handfesten Fehler in meinem Text:I use to play foot ball or to hang off with friends.

LilliSpain

08.12.2011, 22:19

Hy,

also es ist ganz gut, jedoch hast du doch einige Fehler drinnen, würde es an deiner Stelle nochmal durcharbeiten und nochmal in deinen Schulbüchern alles nachzulesen. Es sind nun keine großen Fehler, deine Gastfamilie weiß ja dass du noch nicht so gut bist. Ein ganz perfekter Text kommt oft schlechter an, als einer mit ein paar Fehlern, außer du bekommst da ein Stipendium dafür.

Also lies nochmal alles durch, er ist nicht schlecht aber es geht besser.