Guided Writing
This Guided Writing is about the pros and cons of the various penal institutions, such as conventional prison and open prison.
The first arguments I will show you of ?!, are for various penal institutions and later I will show of some arguments which are against various penal instutions.
Besser: First, i will show arguments that are pro penal institutions. Afterwards points against those institutions are brought up ((wiederhole dich nicht so oft)
The prisoners became with open prison a new chance. (Auf deutsch: Die Gefangenen wurden mit offenem Vollzug eine neue Chance.)
RICHTIG: The prisoners got a new chance with open prison.
der folgende absatz ist komplett sinnfrei??
The society try the offenders for education. However there is the problem that open prisons are inefficient, because we don't protect the offenders from the society.
I'm of the opinion that is open prison better then conventional prison, because the prisoners became a new chance. On the other hand, we must not forget that the danger to society.
ok, die beiden absätze mal so, wie ich sie mir denke, dass sie gedacht sind.
Society trys to educate these criminals. However, there is the problem that open prisons are inefficient, because society is less protected from villians.
Still it´s my opinion to prefer open prison to the regular, because the prisoners get a new chance.
Insgesamt würde ich sagen, du solltest dir mal den unterschied von get/become anschauen. Und dir vielleicht eine Argumentationsstruktur skizzieren.
Bei dir siehts so aus:
EINLEITUNGSSATZ
ARGUMENT 1(neue chance)
BEISPIEL 1(arbeiten besser)
keine transition
argument 2 (education)
argument 3 (dagegen, protection)
Schlampiges ENDE
Eine solche Struktur ist net soo toll.
so ists besser, wenn du für PRO ARGUMENTIERST:
OPENER
ARGUMENT(CONTRA), EXAMPLE
ARGUMENT(CONTRA), EXAMPLE
TRANSITION
ARGUMENT(PRO), EXAMPLE
ARGUMENT(PRO), EXAMPLE
CONCLUSION
Das wären dann 7-11 Sätze, je nachdem ob das Beispiel in einen Nebensatz kommt oder nicht. Ich mach das mal für dein Beispiel vor, damits kürzer wird, je nur ein argument und bsp.
Guided Writing
Discussion recently raised, wether to keep penal institutions like they were in the past, or to try modernizing the system by introducing more open prisons.
I will show both arguments pro and contra open prison and conclude in the end to round up why i prefer the open version.
In the regular prison, inmates are controlled very well, with high walls and technical surveillance.(Argument) Prisons like Alcatratz got almost no successfull break in decades. (Beispiel)
Besides that, there are quite some disatvantages with the normal form of penal insitution.(Transition)
There are people for which you would not need this walls, since they are no danger to society, are already resocialized. Why should you keep a person locked away firmly, that could work for the society better outside the walls?(Argument 2) Look at all the tax sinners for Example.(Beispiel 2)
All in all, there might be some danger involved by establishing more open prisons, but in my opinion society will win over all with the right selection of prisoners for both types.(conclusion)