hallo! wie findet ihr diesen textausschnitt? englisch ist meine zweite sprache und ich bin sechzehn, bald siebzehn :)
ich weiß, dass mein englisch nicht perfekt ist, ich möchte nur wissen ob es insgesamt gut klingt und ob es vom pacing und der idee her gut ist!!
“Was that a bomb?”, Kane asked, terror gracing his features. The shock seemed to have left Jayde paralyzed. They waited, nothing happened. The helmet they had just been introduced to, still showed her holograms before her eyes. Delilah squeezed Jayde’s arm, fingers digging into the fabric of her brand new uniform. Everything was quiet, until-
Screaming cut through the air. Jayde turned to look in the direction when she suddenly flew backwards. White light made her blink, confused. It smelled like smoke. Screaming. Running. Gunshots.
The holograms still hovered in the air in front of her, but they seemed to flicker. Or were her eyes just playing tricks on her?
The ceiling was destroyed. “There’s still people in here!”, someone near her yelled.
Jayde’s hands burned like hell, but the rest of her body felt normal. It felt like something was providing her with a cool feeling. Then she remembered she was still wearing the uniform.
She got up and had no idea what happened, but the room didn’t exist anymore. The whole building was burning, a few parts blown into chunks. Rebels, Jayde realized.
Boom! Another bomb. They were attacking the living centre, her home.
“Fuck!”, she hissed and scrambled on her feet. Jayde’s legs felt wobbly, but she started running towards the bedrooms.
Medics were making their way towards the others, so she figured they’d be okay.
She had to get to the bedrooms. Most importantly, Celestia’s.
Jayde’s legs carried her as she sprinted through the remaining parts of the corridors.
“Celestia!”, she yelled, but her voice was muffled.
“Where the fuck are you?!,” Delilah’s voice asked in her ear, clear and demanding.
Jayde didn’t answer. Who the hell decided it would be a good idea to install a communicating device in their helmets?!
The holographs in front of Jayde irritated her to no end, but she needed to find Celestia. She banged open the door to her room. Flames licked the walls and swallowed up the furniture, but Jayde stepped inside, praying her uniform was at least a little fire repellent.
Her sister lay unconscious on the floor, limbs sprawled, but thankfully alive. Jayde scooped Celestia in her arms and frantically scanned the room for an escape route. The door was being eaten up by hungry flames and there was no way she could run through the wall without severely hurting herself or Celestia.
Soot covered most of her helmet, making it hard to make out any of her surroundings. The holograms flickered, constantly changing their position. The light blue strokes on her uniform started turning into a warning yellow.
Jayde could feel her heart racing as a female robotic voice started to speak to her through her helmet. “Armor damaged. Temperature: high. Leave your surroundings.”, it told her over and over again in an annoyingly calm tone.