Kann bitte jemand meinen englischen Text korrigieren?

Wir sollen in Englisch ein Alternative Ending für die Shortstory „Greyhound tragedy“ schreiben und ich wäre sehr dankbar wenn jemand meinen Text auf Rechschreibung und Grammatik korrigieren könnte.

She finally took up the courage to ask the salesman how much a ticket to Hollywood costs, when the Ford salesman passes by. She felt so brave and free and thought now nothing could stop her from her dream, but this feeling immediately stopped when the man, who sold the tickets told her that there is no bus that goes all the way to Hollywood. Hearing these words she felt like her whole dream was put in a jar and thrown down a cliff. All the years she felt like she was just a bus ride away from going to Hollywood and living the life she always dreamed of. The bus station was such a magical place for her, but now all these feelings she felt when passing the station will go away and it would just be an ordinary place for her. She tried to act cool like nothing happened, but when a young good looking man noticed her and asked if she was alright she couldn’t stand it anymore and her tears started rolling down her cheeks. The man tried to calm her down, but she just started hysterically telling her whole story while the tears already formed a little puddle on the floor. It was a releasing feeling for her and all her fears and thoughts seemed to be away in that one moment. As she wanted to thank the man for trying to comfort her she looked at him for the first time and recognized his face from the hundreds of movies she watched over and over again. It was Logan Smith, one of the most known actors of Hollywood, in her small hometown in Oregon. He felt sorry for her and wanted to give her the opportunity to go back to Hollywood with him to follow her dreams. She didn’t thought for even a second and immediately agreed to his suggestion. 

During the 6 hour long ride from Oregon back to Hollywood the two got to know each other pretty well and Logan told her everything she needs to know to be successful in the media industry. About 30 minutes before they would have arrived in Hollywood they had an awful accident with another driver. The car both of them where in crashed into a tree and the other one down a small hill. When the police came they identified the two as dead and the driver of the other car was extremely injured, but he survived.

It didn’t took much time until the news got to know about Logan Smith‘s death and his name was everywhere. In every newspaper, magazine, TV-show or radio was a report about his death. But since he wasn’t alone in the car they all also mentioned Serena Thompson and even showed pictures of the young women from a small Oregon town. 

Even five years later Serena Thompson is a name everyone thinks of, when passing the tree near Hollywood, where a picture of Logan and Serena will always remember of their Hollywood tragedy. 

Englisch, Text, Abitur, Grammatik, Hollywood, Korrektur, korrigieren, Literatur, Rechtschreibung, Writing, Short story
Hallo, kann mir jemand sagen ob das gut ist?

Wir mussten in Englisch eine Short Story schreiben und ich wollte wissen ob ihr mir Verbesserungsvorschläge oder so geben könntet?

On the same day at evening we and Frank's father packed our bags and went to the Jungle. We reached there at 8 pm. So Frank's father decided to make a camp for sleeping and on morning we will visit the whole Jungle. But we wanted to visit it at night so they decided that when Frank's father fall asleep we will go and come before when he awakens. Amongst them Noah was courageous and Sebastian was fearful, but Tim and me were not much scared. Frank was in front and rest of them were following him. Suddenly we hear some fearful voices. Sebastian got scared and said I am going back to camp. Then afterwards we heard also the bark of a dog. They were walking that suddenly on the left side Liam saw someone but only for seconds, he got scared and ran back to camp. After few minutes I said: "This is so fearful and I am scared of nights, let me go back to camp". Frank said: "Ok, but I will come after visiting whole Jungle"! Your wish, I said. After that in morning Frank's father asked where is Frank? We replied that at night we went to a Jungle tour but we got scared so we came back but Frank said I will come after visiting whole Jungle. Then we came back to camp. Frank's father first scold at us but after that, we went in search of Frank. We were walking that suddenly we saw a blood on the floor, we thought that it must be of Frank's! We were walking and walking in search, after an hour of walking we found the corpse of Frank!...

Englisch, Short story
Richtig gemacht-Fraser Sutherland: Patricia-Summary?

Hey Leute, ich habe versucht über dieser Kurzgeschichte eine Summary zuschreiben😊. Kann jemand bitte von euch schauen, ob ich es richtig gemacht? Sei es Inhalt, Grammatik oder Rechtschreibung😊.

Die Kurzgeschichte:

Meine Summary:

The short story "Patricia" written by Fraser Sutherland is about a boy, who has a crush on Patricia, but never told her, until a spring dance in their school takes place.

The short story can be divided into 3 sections. In the first section (l.1-16) the narrator describes the look of both teenagers. The boy is shown as very sportive and muscular (l-1ll, 5). According to the narrator is Patricia a very pretty young girl (l.7-16) with the perfect body and a beautiful face. The second section (l.17-36) is about the puberty of both students and how their body and voice change. Also the narrator talks about their relationship, with his descriptions the reader can see that the guy loves Patricia (l.7,21, 33l, 36). In the last section (l. 37-56) is the topic “spring dance” at the school taken up. The guy wants finally ask Patricia if she would like to go with him to the dance and does it (l. 42), but she declines his question (l.50). This is a sign that she doesn’t love him. At the end, both do not go to the dance (l.54l.) instead they go different ways.

Vielen Dank im Voraus!😊

Bild zum Beitrag
Englisch, Schule, Text, summary, Short story
Locker 160 Summary

Eine weitere Summary: Fehler, Verbesserungsvorschläge?

The short story 'Locker 160', written by Lee Busselman deals with two girls called Karen and Julie who bully their classmate Miriam by playing tricks on her. Karen gets the idea of putting a hate note in someones locker. The other gir, Julie agrees. They coose the locker of their classmate Miriam. Both of them do not like her, because in their opinion she is just different. When they want to put the note into the locker, none of the girls want to do it themselves. Karen takes the paper anyway, put it in the locker nervously and walkes away with a pleasant feeling of relief. Then they watch Miriam's reaction, her face turns red, and both of the girls have to laugh. The next days they play other tricks on her. Karen and Julie put a plastic bag of marbles in Miriam's locker, which were clattering down the hallway, they make a voodoo doll of Miriam with a hug pin it's head and they also write a petition, which declaires that Meriam is weird and hated by all of her classmates. Below this note they copy the signatures of their classmates from a real petition. For Julie and Karen all this tricks are just funny. Later while they are waiting for Miriam's raction to their last trick, in biology class, they ask themselves, why she would not come to school. At the end of the lesson they find out that Miriam tried to commit suicide, but for them this is just funny and they do not even feel guilty.

Englisch, summary, Zusammenfassung, Short story
Going Home Summary

Und noch eine Summary: Fehler, Verbesserungsvorschläge?

The short story 'Going home', written by Pete Hamill, an American journalist deals with Vingo,a former prisoner, going home and telling his story. On a bus, six young people, three boys and three girs from New York are going to Florida on holiday. Also a man, a former prisoner called Vingo sits in the same bus on his way home to Brunswick. The young people are thinking about their holiday when they notice that the man never moves and does not say anything at all. The bus stops at a restaurant and everybody gets off exept Vingo. The young people start to wonder about his behavior. When they come back, one of them, a girl, sits beside him, introduces herself and starts a small conversation. She offers him some wine, which Vingo gratefully accepts. After a while the girl goes back to the other, when the man is nearly about to fall asleep. The next morning he goes into the restaurant to the young people. He orders coffee and smokes nervously. When the girl sits with him again in the bus he starts to tell her his story. Vingo has been in prison for the last three and a half years and had been now released. He is going home, to his town called Brunswick. The girl asks him if he is marred, to which he replies that he does not know that. He wrote to his wife that it is okay for him if she does not want to stay with him togehter anymore or if she found a new man, but she never answered. He wrote to her that, if she does not think this way, she should put a yellow handkerchief on the big oak tree in their town, so that he knows that she still wants him back. He also showes the girl and the others pictures of his wife and his three children. When the bus reaches Brunswick all the young people, who got to know his story too, are shouting and screaming, because the oak tree is covered with a lot of yellow handkerchiefs. Vingo is not shouting. He gets up from his seat slowly and stars his way home.

Englisch, summary, Zusammenfassung, Short story
English Summary and short story: "The Fun They Had"

Any mistakes? Any Verbesserungsvorschläge? P.s. Ist der Text nicht zu lang für eine Summary? Der orginal Text hat ca. 1042 Wörter.

The short story ‘The fun they had‘, written by Isaac Asimov deals with a boy and a girl, Tommy and Margie, who find out something about school in the past. On the 17th of March 2155 Tommy, a thirteen-year-old boy, finds a ‘real book‘ which has been printed on paper. He is at the house of Margie, an eleven-year-old girl. They both take a look at it togehter. The book is really old and the pages are yellow and crinky. In the year 2155 this kind of books do not exist anymore. In this time words are moving on a television screen. These televisions can contain over a million of boks. That is the reason, why Tommy thinks that they are much better. He has found the old book in the attic of his house. While reading, Tommy says that it is about school. Margie hates school and cannot understand why someone would write about it. She was having problems with learning geography from her ‘mechanical teacher‘. It was black, large and had a screen on it. It teaches the students, gives them exercises and askes them questions, all in a special room in their own house. It can also calculate the marks in no time. Margie hates the slot where she has to insert her homework or test papers. Once the geopraphy sector of her mechanical teacher was geraded too quick, so that her marks got worse and worse. The County Inspector rebuilt it after one hour. He was really nice to Margie. She hopped that her mechanical teacher would be taken away for a longer time, like Tommy’s was, because it’s history sector blanked out completly. Tommy says that the book which he has found, is not about their type of school, it is about school centuires ago. They find out that students back then had a man as a teacher who taught the girls and boys, gave them homework and asked them questions. They had a special building, all the children went to. And they learned the same things, if they were the same age. First Margie does not understand how a person could be a teacher and how the students were thaught the same thing, because her mother says that the education must fit to each child's mind, but nevertheless in her opinion these schools are funny and she wants to read more about it. Then it is time for Margie and Tommy for their school. Margie goes into the schoolroom in her house where the mechanical teacher stands. It is already on, because the lessons are always at regular hours. She was thinking about the old school system and how much fun the children must had, learning and spending time togehter.

Danke!

Grüßle! ~ ♫

Englisch, summary, Short story

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